Driving in Tulsa

[Wilbur]

Someone forwarded this to me.  I don't agree with all of it, and I will warn you that some of it is not politically correct, but some of it is pretty funny when you thing about it.


DRIVING IN TULSA

If your Tulsa map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Broken Arrow or Bixby and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tulsa has its own version of traffic rules.

All directions start with "Get on Memorial" which has no beginning and no end. Everything in Tulsa is "just off Memorial."

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
 
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Elm, Elwood, and Hwy 75 going North during rush hour are equally backed up.  Don't think one way will be quicker than the other, you're just out of luck.

Construction on I-44 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Jenks."

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.

I-44 is called the Skelly Bypass. No one has ever figured out what it bypasses. State Highway 51 is either the Broken Arrow Expressway or the Keystone Expressway, depending on which way you're headed. US64 comes up Memorial from Bixby, joins 169 for a few miles, and then heads west with SH 51 towards Sand Springs. Several highways like the Creek Turnpike have no number. We don't understand it either.

Maps of Tulsa show an Interstate 444 in downtown Tulsa. If you find it let us know. The alleged I-444 is half of the inner-dispersal loop, which is not for the faint of heart.

Highway 169 in rush hour is the Tulsa equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

If asking directions along North Utica or in west Tulsa, you must have knowledge of Spanish.  If you're on east 21st Street, Mandarin Chinese or Vietnamese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Pine or Peoria, you better be armed.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Broken Arrow Expressway is 85.  Anything less is considered downright sissy.

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and snowing, it's homecoming at TU. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is spring, it's opening day for the Drillers. If it is fall, the Tulsa State Fair is going on.

All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Tulsa.

Please try and keep up.

[TheArtist]

Has anyone else noticed this...?  It seems that there are quite a few people who, rather than pay attention to if the light has turned green, keep their eye out to see if the car next to them moves and then they know to go.  What is especially annoying is when you have two such people in front and the light turns green but neither of them notice because they are keeping the corner of their eye on the other car. They don't even have to be really doing anything, you can tell they just aren't looking at the light but are waiting on the car next to them to be the "signal".  

My other pet peeve... Its frustrating when your getting ready to pull out of a parking lot, are looking upstream to find an opening and timing the cars as they go by so that you can make your move and dart into the lane you need to be in.  Juuust as you see a clearing coming along, someone unexpectedly stops and thinks they are helping you out, when in reality if they had just gotten their ars down the road you would have been able to get into your lane even quicker. They stop, the car behind them either stops or swerves around them, your opening is missed and now cars are flowing around this kind, waving, idiot. You not only have to try and keep your eye on the traffic flow but also on whether or not this person is going to stay or move.  

If the traffic were jam packed or at a standstill stopping to let someone in can be helpful. Don't know whether thats legal or not?  But if the traffic is flowing, don't stop in the middle of it and make a mess.

Its like people who stop and give the panhandlers by the highways money.  They think they are doing something helpful by giving, but in reality they aren't smart enough to realize they aren't giving wisely and are most likely doing more harm than good.

[USRufnex]

Yawn.  I moved to T-town from Chicago... and Indianapolis... y'all are spoiled...

Memorial?... yes.... you're right...... almost as funny as the "it's off Peachtree..." directions are for Atlantans....

[}:)]

[grahambino]

most of those really don't apply to Tulsa.

[TheArtist]

The worst place to drive imo is in Miami. If your not on your way through the intersection before it turns green they will honk at you.  And the highways are literal death traps. they drive veeery fast. I saw a car that had just hit an overpass support. I didnt think it was possible for a car to be that demolished and compacted. The whole car was smashed into the space typically taken up by the front hood. And stilleveryone was frantically racing past at 90mph in packed traffic.

[mr.jaynes]

quote:Originally posted by TheArtist

The worst place to drive imo is in Miami. If your not on your way through the intersection before it turns green they will honk at you.  And the highways are literal death traps. they drive veeery fast. I saw a car that had just hit an overpass support. I didnt think it was possible for a car to be that demolished and compacted. The whole car was smashed into the space typically taken up by the front hood. And stilleveryone was frantically racing past at 90mph in packed traffic.

For me, it's I-10 just outside the New Orleans CBD.

[inteller]

quote:Highway 169 in rush hour is the Tulsa equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.


The minimum acceptable speed on the Broken Arrow Expressway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

the sooner you learn these two truths, the better off youll be.

[guido911]

Sorry us hayseed, mouth-breathing, small town folk ain't as world traveled and sophisticamated as you USRufnex.

[USRufnex]

quote:Originally posted by guido911

Sorry us hayseed, mouth-breathing, small town folk ain't as world traveled and sophisticamated as you USRufnex.

Why yes.  It's what makes me a much better person than all y'all.

Thanks for the compliment.

/sarcasm

[Conan71]

It would appear that speed limits in Texas aren't the law, just a suggestion...

[sgrizzle]

quote:Originally posted by Conan71

It would appear that speed limits in Texas aren't the law, just a suggestion...

That's not what the guy in the state-issued cowboy hat told me.

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't get the idea that you should drive slower at night, when less cars are on the road. I always thought it was some semi-truck noise ordinance.

[joiei]

quote:Originally posted by mr.jaynes

quote:Originally posted by TheArtist

The worst place to drive imo is in Miami. If your not on your way through the intersection before it turns green they will honk at you.  And the highways are literal death traps. they drive veeery fast. I saw a car that had just hit an overpass support. I didnt think it was possible for a car to be that demolished and compacted. The whole car was smashed into the space typically taken up by the front hood. And stilleveryone was frantically racing past at 90mph in packed traffic.

For me, it's I-10 just outside the New Orleans CBD.

either one of these places rates up on my list of hard to drive places.  I always wondered if there was a red light on the Causeway overpass over I-10 in Metairie because the traffic was always stopped there.  And in Miami, you can get stuck in Traffic on the Dolphin Expressway at 3am in the morning.