Flight Delay

[sauerkraut]

During a long flight the pilot came on the intercom and said "We have to shut down engine number one due to some problems". "Sorry, but that will slow us down and delay our arrival by about 45 minutes"  A few minutes latter the pilot came back on the intercom and said "We have to shut down engine number two due to an oil leak, but don't worry folks, these Jumbos fly just fine on two engines but this will slow us down even more and add to our delay time". A few minutes after that the pilot came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and gentlemen looks like we'll have have to shut down engine number three it's been acting up, sorry, but it'll extend our delay even more" A passenger grumbled "If that pilot shuts down one more engine, we'll be up here all night"

[dbacksfan 2.0]

[Hoss]

To actually insert humor into this thread (these will mainly be funny if you're a pilot, but some may be funny if not:

List of pilot-reported problems and the solutions the ground crew had for them.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Left inside main tire almost replaced.

Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on back-order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what friction locks are for.

Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you're right.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing. (pilot lingo meaning one of the engines was not running smoothly)
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.

Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.

[dbacksfan 2.0]

To actually insert humor into this thread (these will mainly be funny if you're a pilot, but some may be funny if not:

Those are funny. reminds me of a work order I completed once,

User: Having a hard time hearing long distance calls
Me: Shortened cord between handset and phone as well as phone to wall outlet.

[Ed W]

I had a digital flight control panel in the shop some years ago that was removed in OKC. It sits in the eyebrow panel just above the flight instruments.  The tag said it was "removed for erotic operation."  Now, there's a guy who truly loves his work.