When Lawyers' attack

[guido911]

This is funny (comments IP & Conan?):

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1799893/posts

[Conan71]

I could come up with all sorts of tasteless comments from the photos and story, but I'm afraid Hometown would castigate me with the forum mods.  Pretty damn funny though.

Know what is brown and black and looks absolutely smashing on an attorney?

A rottweiler.

Let the jokes begin...

[iplaw]

What's the difference between an attorney dead on the side of the road and a skunk that's dead on the side of the road?

The skidmarks in front of the skunk.

[RecycleMichael]

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

[Conan71]

God and Satan are having their annual sit-down.  God asks Satan how things are going in Hell these days.  

Satan says: "Wonderful, you accidentally sent us some mechanical engineers early in the year so we now have running water, air conditioning, and indoor plumbing."

God replies: "That's specifically against our agreement!  I can't believe you would pull something like this!  Give me those engineers back now or I'll sue you!"

To which Satan says: "Where are you going to get an attorney?"

[rwarn17588]

What happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

[cannon_fodder]

A man walked into an attorney's office seeking help.  He sits down with the attorney and asks:

"How much do you charge?"

- "$500 for three questions."

"That's a bit steep isnt it?"

- "I suppose, now whats your final question?"
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What do you call a doctor that graduates at the bottom of his class?  Doctor.

What do you call an attorney that graduates at the bottom of his class?  Unemployed.
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A lawyer arrived late to the courthouse and double parked in his hurry to get in.  As he flung the door open to his BMW another car tore it off.  

When the officer arrived the lawyer immediately accosted him about how badly damaged his BMW was.

"Are you at all concerned that your arm was torn off along with the door?" Inquired the officer.

"Holy crap, my Rolex!" replied the attorney.
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A Tulsa attorney tried a criminal case in OKC.  Upon winning the case he emailed his office "Justice prevailed."  His blackberry immediately lit up with a message:  "appeal immediately."
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An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
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[this active member of the bar association slinks away]

[Conan71]

You know why attornies are about the only people who still wear neckties?

Keeps their foreskin from rolling up over their head in court.