Friday Funny

[dbacks fan]

Year 2059

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .   

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. 

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States  crops and livestock.   

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. 

France  pleads for global help after being taken over by  Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! 

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.   

 
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.



85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.





Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.




Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba. 





Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.



Abortion clinics now available in every High School in  United States .     
 
 
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. 




Massachusetts  executes last remaining conservative.




Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
 
 
A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony,
They Had simultaneous Headaches.

 
 

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with
Only 3 illegitimate children.   




New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.. 





IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent..





Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.



Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or be very very scared.



I Love This Country!

[DolfanBob]

Wow. I got to laugh out loud today. Thanks for that.
The George Z cracked me up, and Castro dying at 112 is priceless.

[custosnox]

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

I saw this exact (well, the date/age might have been a bit different, not sure) joke in an issue of mad magazine, and it too was about news headlines on a future date.

[dbacks fan]

I saw this exact (well, the date/age might have been a bit different, not sure) joke in an issue of mad magazine, and it too was about news headlines on a future date.

I got this today from a friend at work and it reminded me of Laugh In, and so far on youtube I found this and it's kind of prophetic,

[custosnox]

I saw this exact (well, the date/age might have been a bit different, not sure) joke in an issue of mad magazine, and it too was about news headlines on a future date.

Forgot to mention, this was back when Bill was in office