The Invasion of the Right-Wing Zombies

[Teatownclown]

http://www.okobserver.net/2011/05/19/month-of-the-political-living-dead/

Month Of The Living Dead, Politically

BY RICHARD L. FRICKER

Surprisingly, many Americans are unaware May is "Zombie Appreciation Month."

Since many right-wing, tea bag, birther, deather, ObamaCarther and anti-collective barginingthers follow lobbyists dollars like a crowd from the Night of the Living Dead, it's a great time to provide the recognition they deserve.

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker should be this year's Parade Marshal, having lead the way to abolish collective barging rights in his state. Gov. Walker could lead sibling legislative leaders Scott and Jeff Fitzgerald ahead of their legislative colleagues, arms extended with limp wrists and fingers pointed earthward, down the streets of Madison to the office of Koch Industries.

Once in the Masters lair they need only say, "Yes Master" or "I will obey" to be showered with accolades. The Zombie undead life can be a good life, if you have the right Master.

A celebratory sheet cake topped with statues of Oklahoma Sens. Jim Inhofe and Tom Coburn would be appropriate. Dressed in tuxedos, the pair could hold hands while staring blankly into space awaiting their next mission from "Family" leader Tim Coe.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia could parade down the streets of Washington with his pet zombie Clarence. Clarence, faithful to his master, could use his zombie powers to sniff out contributors in need of right wing campaigns deserving of anonymous donations.

Rep. Darrell Issa, R-CA, is a most noteworthy congressional zombie. As chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform he has threatened the administration with any number of investigations anytime the GOP is asked about donation money.

As a true zombie he indeed follows the money, and does what he's told.

Rep. Issa's efforts might be put to better use investigating Elvis sightings, why there are 52 weeks in a year and 52 cards in a deck, what really happens when you play the White Album backwards. And, the ultimate inquiry, why is there always an unpaired sock left in the dryer.

These inquiries should keep Rep. Issa, R-Zombie, busy beyond November 2012 with little harm to the republic. The republic meanwhile can contemplate just what to do about zombie infestation.

Now, on the downside of May, would be a good time to let local legislative zombies know just how much voters appreciate what they have done in their particular states. It might even be considered an appreciative gesture to designate a particular legislator or politico as an "Outstanding Zombie."

It is important to appreciate the walking brain and morally dead. But, from afar, never get too close.

– Richard L. Fricker lives in Tulsa, OK and is a regular contributor to The Oklahoma Observer, providing both essay and video commentary [see Observer home page]. His latest book, Martian Llama Racing Explained, is available at http://www.richardfricker.com.

Every once in a while a Tulsan comes along and makes me proud to be from the same city....

[guido911]

We are in full melt-down now.



Okay, every TNF poster, regardless of political persuasion, grab a pipe from this bad boy and enjoy:

[Teatownclown]

Hey....don't victimize me....pick on RICHARD L. FRICKER. You should have a hay day on that last name. You love to attack stuff in that manner...don't you Guido?

[nathanm]

There are zombies in politics, but they're zombie ideas, not zombies that eat brains.

[Gaspar]

There are zombies in politics, but they're zombie ideas, not zombies that eat brains.

I'm not sure of that Nate.  I think some of the posters on this forum suffer from Kuru.

One poster spent over a year on his own thread posting hundreds of links that only he read or understood.  He was eventually banned, never to return of course. 

Kuru progresses slowly and can ultimately manifest in a crescendo of of mental illness and loss of motor control as the related encephalopathy increases.

We seem to have witnessed this several times in the past.  I see now that we are again at about stage three.

[Conan71]

I'm not sure of that Nate.  I think some of the posters on this forum suffer from Kuru.

One poster spent over a year on his own thread posting hundreds of links that only he read or understood.  He was eventually banned, never to return of course. 

Kuru progresses slowly and can ultimately manifest in a crescendo of of mental illness and loss of motor control as the related encephalopathy increases.

We seem to have witnessed this several times in the past.  I see now that we are again at about stage three.

Is drooling involved?

[Townsend]

Is drooling involved?

"It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash, then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence.

Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly."

[Hoss]

"It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash, then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence.

Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly."

+1 for the "Airplane" reference.

[Townsend]

+1 for the "Airplane" reference.

Infinite quotability

[Gaspar]

Infinite quotability

Agreed!
That was the laugh I needed.