Oklahoma Adoption Laws

[Steve]

I would like to start a discussion about the "closed" nature of current Oklahoma adoption laws.  I am curious about the opinions of adoptive parents, birth parents, adoptees, and anyone else for that matter.

Unless you arrange a private, "open" adoption, current Oklahoma law seals all adoption records.  All parties are denied access to any identifying information regarding the parties to the adoption, including original birth certificates, etc., without a court order.  Obtaining a court order to open adoption records is next to impossible.

I was an adopted child, being born to unwed teenage parents in 1957 in Oklahoma City.  Times were different then; a pregnant teen had only two options: a back-alley abortion, or disappearing for a few months and placing the child for adoption.  For an unmaried woman to keep her child just wasn't done.  I completely understand that and have never had any issues or questions about why I was placed for adoption.  I am sure I was much better off for it, and enjoyed many more material benefits because I was adopted.  My birth mother made probably the hardest decision of her life, and I thank her immensely for it.  My adoptive father died of a heart attack when I was 13 years old; my adoptive mother died of accidental causes when I was 17 years old.  I am now 49 years old.

I believe that ADULT (21 years of age+) adoptees should have unquestioned access to their original birth certificates.  Current Oklahoma law prohibits this.  Oklahoma does maintain a registry where if BOTH the adoptive child and birth mother contact the registry, a third party will contact them and arrange a meeting, if both consent.  I suppose this is a good compromise, under current Oklahoma law.  But I think that any adopted child, regardless of when they were adopted, should be able to obtain a copy of their original birth certificate when they reach 21 years of age.

If I were able to get my original birth certificate, I am not sure if I would proceed any further.  I will ALWAYS consider my adoptive parents to be my REAL parents.  There is a good chance that both of my birth parents are deceased too.  And adoptees should realize that some adoptions take place because of unpleasant circumstances: rape, incest, etc.  That is the chance that they should be willing to take if they desire more information.  I still have a desire to see my birth parent's names, my given birth name, etc.  Who wouldn't?  It is an issue that I will always wonder about for the rest of my life.

I just think this is a fundamental right, the right to know your "roots" and birth ancestry, that is currently being denied to adoptees in Oklahoma.  Current law places a priority on the privacy rights of the birth mother over the rights of the adopted child.  I think this is wrong.  Opinions are appreciated.

[Samantha]

Hello Steve,
I am a fellow adopted person here in Tulsa.  I believe as you do - unconditional access for all adoptees to their own obc's upon adulthood.  It is only right.  

We have an opportunity on August 28th, 2007 at 1:30pm at the State Capitol to discuss this issue.  Rep. Jeannie McDaniel has introduced an "interim study" on the subject.  

We also have a thriving group of adoptees/birthparents/adoptive parents who meet once a month in Tulsa.  

Hope to meet you someday!  

Please email me privately at sfranklin568@yahoo.com ~ for info. about the meeting here in Tulsa prior to the 28th with Jeannie to plan the hearing.  It is within the next few days, and we'd love to have you join us.

[Steve]

Thanks Samantha for your reply and information on this topic.  Gee, it only took 9 months for a first reply to my original post.  Maybe this is a TulsaNow record.

Original birth certificates should be a matter of public record, at least after the adopted child reaches 21 years of age.  The rights of the adoptee are equal to and no less important than the rights of the birth parents or adoptive parents.  Whether or not to access the original birth certificate should be up to the child, and no one else.

[cannon_fodder]

Sorry Steve, I read your original post but I had no perspective on the topic.  I hope you did not take my lack of post (or others) as disrespectful or not caring.  I thought it would be disrespectful to pretend like I understood what you feel, clearly I can not.

Most parents that give children up for adoption do not want to meet their children 21 years later.  Most likely, it would be a painful reminder of a sacrifice they made and things they missed out on.

A nice compromise would be for Oklahoma to allow parents to give permission on the certificate stating whether or not they would like to be found.  As they grew up opinions might have changed one way or another.  I can understand the parents perspective on this, as you pointed out sad circumstances often lead to giving a child up for adoption.

When you ask - who wouldn't want to know who their real parents are, I would say about half the adoptees I know.  Other than the satisfaction of curiosity, little good can come of it. No offense.

My 2 cents on the matter anyway...

[Steve]

quote:Originally posted by cannon_fodder

When you ask - who wouldn't want to know who their real parents are, I would say about half the adoptees I know.  Other than the satisfaction of curiosity, little good can come of it. No offense.

My 2 cents on the matter anyway...

For the record, my "real parents" were my adopted parents, and I said so in my original post.  They were the ones that loved me, clothed and educated me, and made me what I am today.  I have no desire to disrupt anyone's life or find a "new family."

But the fact remains that there is an original Oklahoma birth certificate for me, locked away in some dusty 1957 vault in OKC and denied to me forever, that shows the human female and male that gave birth to me.  I have no desire to intrude on their lives, I only want to see the original record of my birth.  Non-adoptees take this for granted, that their birth certificate is the original, true copy.  Adoptees know that there is an original lurking in some vault, denied to them by law.

I suppose this is an issue that only an adoptee can really understand.  

[maasbill]

I am an adoptee also.  I totally agree that we should be able to know about our past.  If only to know because of health issues.  I hope you find what you are looking for.  I found and learned and saw pictures of my biological family and I would not trade that experience.  But it is and experience we should be able to have if we choose.  Best to you.

[Hometown]

I tend to agree with Steve and Samantha.  But several years ago in California there were a number of teen pregnancies that resulted in babies being abandoned at birth, thrown away and left to die or murdered at birth to conceal the birth.  The state passed a law that allowed new mothers to abandon babies at hospitals (maybe it included police and fire stations too), no questions asked.  This was done to save the lives of the babies.  And I think there are certain circumstances where the lives of mothers might be jeopardized if it became known they had given birth.  People also tend to forget about the sperm bank babies.  They will want to know about their parents too.

Maybe there is no one real clear black and white answer to this issue.  Maybe there are a variety of solutions that would accommodate the various birth circumstances.  But I would say that 9 times out of 10 I would side with the folks that want full access to their birth records.

[Lister]

Wow, what a tough topic to address. If I were an adoptee, I know what I would want - access to my birth parents records. Even though the family that adopted you are the REAL parents, and I assure you they ARE the real parents, I understand your need for connection to who you are in a genetic sense, as well as historical. I wish you the best of luck in finding out who your biological parents are.

[Steve]

quote:Originally posted by Hometown

I tend to agree with Steve and Samantha.  But several years ago in California there were a number of teen pregnancies that resulted in babies being abandoned at birth, thrown away and left to die or murdered at birth to conceal the birth.  The state passed a law that allowed new mothers to abandon babies at hospitals (maybe it included police and fire stations too), no questions asked.  This was done to save the lives of the babies.

Hometown, I think Oklahoma also enacted a similar law to save unwanted babies for adoption, rather than abandonment & possible death.  I don't know how successful it has been here.

I did find out from Catholic Charities that I was not a child of rape or unpleasant circumstances, just the product of raging 1957 teenage hormones, in a time when unmarried girls were automatically expected to give their children up for adoption.  They told me that my birth parents wanted to get married (they were both around 17 years old, H.S. seniors), but my birth mother's mother would hear none of it and insisted I be given for adoption.  Seems to me that I was a pretty stereotypical case for the 1950's, where "girl finds out she is pregnant, disappears for 6 months to give birth, then comes home as if nothing ever happened."  I also found out that my birth mother was also an adopted child herself.  I have been registered with various "reunion registries" for 25+ years and have never heard a word.  Makes me think that maybe my birth mother is deceased.

In any event, I still have a strong desire to see my original birth certificate with my original given name, and possibly see a photograph of my birth parents.  I suppose my desires are even stronger since both of my adoptive parents had died by the time I was 17 years old, before I had finished high school.  I'm 50 now, and probably will never know, but I can live with that.  

[Hometown]

Steve, Thanks for sharing your story.  I am personally sorry your birth parents were not allowed to marry.  

In 1969 we were told my older sister was going out of town.  I forget exactly what the white lie was.  But in fact she went to stay in a garage apartment at Swan Lake.  She stayed there throughout her pregnancy.  When her baby was born she was told she had given birth to boy and he had been adopted by a couple in OKC.

The baby's father and his father would have nothing to do with the whole thing.

As time went by her baby was often on my sister's mind.  She registered with a group that helped reunite birth parents with their children.  Every now and then she would remind me that I had a nephew out there somewhere in the world.  It wasn't a very long time after that that my sister died from breast cancer.  

It was about eight or nine years after my sister's death that my mother said, it's time for my grandson to come looking for us.  A year or so after that I got a call from my mother telling me that my sister's child had found her and that my sister had had a daughter.  She had grown up within miles or our home in Tulsa.  And after much investigative work she found her birth family only to discover that her mother had died.

You can imagine this made for a lot of strong feelings for everyone involved.  For me it was like a part of my dear sister had lived on.  Knowing her daughter has been a joy for our family.  And I am heart broken that my sister was not alive to take back the daughter she had been forced to give up when she was so young.  

Her daughter's father is living in Tulsa today and he has a relationship with his daughter.

Things have changed so much.  Today many mothers keep children born out of wed lock.  In 1969 that was not an option for girls from our neighborhood.  I bet we would all be surprised if we knew how many children were born out of wedlock and given up for adoption.  Of course many girls had abortions.

The whole situation for those girls was very tragic.  I think of my sister alone in that little apartment at Swan Lake.  Thank God things have improved, even if just a little.

I do hope the law is changed and that adopted people can more easily find their birth families.

[Steve]

quote:Originally posted by Hometown

Steve, Thanks for sharing your story.  I am personally sorry your birth parents were not allowed to marry.  
I do hope the law is changed and that adopted people can more easily find their birth families.

Thank you Hometown for sharing your sister's story.  Very poignant indeed.

Whether or not I ever have contact with my biologic relatives is secondary; to me, all I really want is to see my original birth certificate with my original birth name and the true facts of my birth.  I think any adopted child in Oklahoma (or the entire U.S. for that matter) over the age of 21 should have that right.

[TUalum0982]

quote:Originally posted by Steve

quote:Originally posted by Hometown

Steve, Thanks for sharing your story.  I am personally sorry your birth parents were not allowed to marry.  
I do hope the law is changed and that adopted people can more easily find their birth families.

Thank you Hometown for sharing your sister's story.  Very poignant indeed.

Whether or not I ever have contact with my biologic relatives is secondary; to me, all I really want is to see my original birth certificate with my original birth name and the true facts of my birth.  I think any adopted child in Oklahoma (or the entire U.S. for that matter) over the age of 21 should have that right.

Steve I agree with you 100%.  I read this thread thinking it was going to ask questions about legal rights, etc of people looking to adopt (as my fiancee and I are).  Any luck on obtaining your original birth certificate??

[Steve]

quote:Originally posted by TUalum0982

Steve I agree with you 100%.  I read this thread thinking it was going to ask questions about legal rights, etc of people looking to adopt (as my fiancee and I are).  Any luck on obtaining your original birth certificate??

No, and I will probably never see it.  To do so now would entail hiring an attorney, going to court and pleading to a judge, and under current OK law, I would need a valid "life-or-death" reason, of which there really is none, other than my belief in my right to know.  My chances would be next to zero, and would cost me hundreds of $ in the failed process.

The best chance any Oklahoma adoptee (from a closed adoption under previous laws) has today of getting their original birth certificate is to have connections, a friend that works at DHS, or know a "friend of a friend," someone that has access to old DHS records and can do some private snooping for you.  While illegal, I am sure it is done all the time.