To Be A Republican.....

[FOTD]

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE!

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton

 2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

 3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

 4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .

 5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

 6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

 7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

 8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

 9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.  HMO's
 and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

 11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

 12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

 13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

 14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host.  Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

 15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

 16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

 17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

  Friends don't let friends vote Republican

Have at it.....

[Rico]

 That was very funny....[]

However............I don't feel stupidity can be monopolized by one political party..

That is exactly why I feel that individuals that vote "Party Lines", Instead of the facts, are beyond stupid... They are hypocrites....

[rwarn17588]

I'm starting to think FOTD and jamesrage are lovers ... kinda like James Carville and Mary Matalin.

You know ... opposites attract.

They also share one thing in common -- not a lot of nuance or subtlety in their arguments.

[sgrizzle]

Hooray stereotypes!

[cannon_fodder]

I'll grade it on how funny/accurate each comment is:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton
B (Kinda has become the Jesus party, or at least billed as such)

 2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
C+ (point has merit, wording not funny and over done)

 3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
B+ (decent point)

 4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .
C- (some truth, but leaving the UN is not really a platform issue)

 5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
D (the regulation in question is price regulation... which is not really a safety issue:  FDA)

 6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
D (I hate the government notion of "slashing" meaning less than the requested increase)

 7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
B+ (should have been "if we tell them not to, teenagers won't have sex.")

 8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
C+ (by "Allies" I guess he means France)

 9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.  HMO's
 and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
C (good try, but only marginal at making the point)

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
C+ (tobacco link was long given up and was a Southern thing, not a republican thing.  Could have worked in Creationism and science better and funnier)

 11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
D- (Bush lied!  Not only is it over done, but there is an outstanding reward for anyone who can prove where he lief in re the war)

 12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
A- (limited government:  unless we are in charge)

 13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
B+  (did they try to hide the driving record?)

 14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host.  Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
B+ (news flash:  talking heads of all persuasions are hypocrites)

 15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
B+ (sometimes Bush was right in this argument, but overplayed the card)

 16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.
B (Clinton inhaled, Bush finished the bottle)

 17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
C (C for the effort, could have made the Dick hunting joked way funnier)

[Hometown]

Thank you FOTD, I thought we had something in common.  Now I know we do.  Since 1980 the Republican Party has come close to destroying everything we cherish about life in the United States.  You’ve touched on many of the highlights but it is an incomplete list, so staggering are their many crimes.  It would probably come as a shock to provincial little old Tulsa that Republicans are arguably the most disliked group of people in the World.

[iplaw]

quote:Since 1980 the Republican Party has come close to destroying everything we cherish about life in the United States.

[}:)]

Thanks for the laugh.  I needed that.

[sgrizzle]

I kinda thought the whole point was to keep things the way they were in 1980...

[Double A]

This list does not include Republican perverts like Senator Larry "Wide Guy" Craig, Senator David "diaper-wearing whoremonger" Vitter, or defrocked but now claiming to be cured preacher and lover of male prostitutes, Ted Haggard. The garden variety Republican perverts can be addressed in future installments.

This rogue's gallery only deals with the serious problem of pedophiles in the Republican Party.

Republican prosecutor John David Roy Atchison was arrested for soliciting sex from a five year old girl. At the time of his arrest, Atchison was an Assistant U.S. Attorney appointed by Republican Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

Republican city councilman John Bryan killed himself after police began investigating allegations that he had molested three girls, including two of his adopted daughters, ages twelve and fifteen.

Republican Mayor and presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani hired Monsignor Alan Placa, a close friend, after the Catholic priest was removed when charges surfaced that he'd been molesting young boys at his parish residence. Monsignor Placa also had a role in covering up the sexual crimes of other priests, according to a grand jury. The grand jury also stated that Monsignor Placa had employed deception and intimidation to keep the allegations from the light of day. He remains on the staff and payroll of Giuliani's consulting firm.

Republican legislator Ted Klaudt was charged with raping girls under the age of sixteen.

Republican city councilman Joseph Montelone, Jr. was found guilty of fondling underage girls.

Republican congressional aide Jeffrey Nielsen was arrested for having sex with a fourteen year old boy.

Republican County Commissioner Patrick Lee McGuire surrendered to police after allegedly molesting girls between the ages of eight and thirteen.

Republican prosecutor Larry Corrigan was arrested for soliciting sex from thirteen year old girls.

Republican Mayor Jeffrey Kyle Randall was sentenced to 275 days in jail for molesting two boys, ages ten and twelve, during a six year period.

Republican County Board Candidate Brent Schepp was charged with molesting a fourteen year old girl, then killed himself three days later.

Republican Congressman Mark Foley abruptly resigned from Congress after sexually explicit e-mails surfaced showing him targeting a sixteen year old boy.

Republican Speaker of the House of Representatives Dennis Hastert, who led the Republican cover-up of Mark Foley's predatory conduct, has announced his resignation from Congress and will not complete his current term.

Republican executive Randall Casseday of the conservative Washington Times newspaper pleaded guilty to soliciting sex from a thirteen year old girl on the internet.

Republican chairman of the Oregon Christian Coalition, Lou Beres, confessed to molesting a thirteen year old girl.

Republican County Constable, Larry Dale Floyd, pleaded guilty to charges of soliciting sex from an eight year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won elections for Denton County, Texas, constable.

Republican judge, Mark Pazuhanich, pleaded no contest to fondling a ten year old girl and was sentenced to ten years probation.

Republican Party leader, Bobby Stumbo, was arrested for having sex with a five year old boy.

Republican petition drive manager, Tom Randall, pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of fourteen, one of them the daughter of an associated in the petition business.

Republican County Chairman, Armando Tebano, pleaded guilty to fondling a fourteen year old girl.

Republican teacher and former city councilman, John Collins, pleaded guilty to sexually molesting thirteen and fourteen year old girls.

Republican campaign worker, Mark Seidensticker, is a convicted child molester.

Republican Mayor, Philip Giordano, is serving a thirty-seven year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing eight and ten year old girls.

Republican Mayor Tom Adams was arrested for distributing child pornography over the internet.

Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex from two fifteen year old girls.

Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of eleven and was sentenced to eight years in prison.

Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to ten years in prison for raping his daughter repeatedly between the ages of nine and seventeen.

Republican Committeeman John R. Curtin was convicted of molesting an underage teenage boy and sentenced to serve six to eighteen months in prison.

Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.

Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an eleven year old girl he murdered.

Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.

Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a fifteen year old girl.

Republican racist, pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a fifteen year old black girl which produced a child.

Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.

Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a thirteen year old girl.

Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was sentenced to six years in prison for molesting two eight year old girls, one of whom appeared in an anti-Gore television commercial for George W. Bush.

Republican fundraiser Lawrence F. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980's.

Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980's.

Republican Congressman Donald "Buz: Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.

Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child pornography charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexually explicit photos.

Republican activist Mark A. Grethen was convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.

Republican campaign chairman Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child. Five years later he was arrested again on the same charge.

Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.

Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step-daughter.

Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer.

Republican Congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a sixteen year old boy he picked up at a gay bar.

Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a five year old girl being raped.
Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was taken into custody by Florida police and charged with four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.

Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a twelve year old boy and possession of child pornography.

Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his twelve year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.

Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to a prison term after his conviction for offering $20 to a fourteen year old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.

Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an eleven year old girl.

Republican anti-gay activist Earl ?gButch?h Kimmerling was sentenced to forty years in prison for molesting an eight year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.

Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served fourteen years in federal prison.

Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a fourteen year old girl.

Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a thirteen year old boy.

Republican legislator Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of sixteen (i.e. intentionally exposing himself to children).

Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of molesting a fifteen year old girl.

Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.

Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.

Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.

Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a thirteen year old girl.

Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.

Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a fifteen year old girl and served six months in prison.

Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to thirty months in federal prison and fined $18,000.

Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.

Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five felony counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.

Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a ?ggood military man and church goer?h, was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an eleven year old girl and sentenced to twelve years in prison.

Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.

Republican campaign worker, police officer and self-proclaimed "reverend" Steve Aiken was convicted of having sex with two underage girls.

Republican director of the ?gYoung Republican Federation?h Nicholas Elizondo molested his six year old daughter and sentenced to six years in prison.

Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corporation Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer.

Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a fifteen year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.

[altruismsuffers]

all you have to be is truthful and  brave.

[iplaw]

Holy sh%t...are we back to this game again?  Who's going to be the first one to put up a list of pervert Democrats?

The only ones ignorant enough to play this game is probably the same ignorant people who think this list of Republicans is an exclusive one...

Grow up folks and open your eyes.

[cannon_fodder]

I wanted to see how old some of those were so I Googled them... I couldn't even find many of them on Google. So I kept going down the list...

quote:This rogue's gallery only deals with the serious problem of pedophiles in the Republican Party.

[}:)]

"Republican County Board Candidate."   So now if you consider running for county office and are republican and a pervert it counts as a scandal?  

"advertising consultant"

"anti-abortion activist" - not even an elected party member.

"legislative aide"

"Republican Speaker of the House of Representatives Dennis Hastert" - he is guilty because he was the speaker when Foley got caught being a pervert.  A "serious problem" to be sure.

"politician " - not elected to anything

"fundraiser "

"strategist and Citadel Military College graduate"

"strategist"

"benefactor "

"businessman"

"parole board officer"

"campaign worker" - are you serious?  How desperate was this person to grow the list.
- - -

This list includes not only politicians and actual representatives of the Republican Party, but ANYONE who has ever had any affiliation with the party:

The Unibomber
Heavens Gate
Jim Jones
David Koresh
John Wayne Gacy
Charlie Manson


OMG!!!11!one!eleven!!  All were registered democrats.  I better start a website to track them.

No party has a monopoly on being asshats.  But this list is just a joke.  When you list "campaign worker" as a "serious problem" then it is laughable.  I'm actually surprised the list is not larger given the 40% of the country that is Republican that they had to draw from.

[Conan71]

CF, I think the point to be learned from AA is that it's cool to be a pervert if you are a Democrat, but the hypocracy of a Republican doing it is far, far worse.  Get a rope...

...and get me Marion Berry's phone number, I'm out of crack.

[Friendly Bear]

quote:Originally posted by Conan71

CF, I think the point to be learned from AA is that it's cool to be a pervert if you are a Democrat, but the hypocracy of a Republican doing it is far, far worse.  Get a rope...

...and get me Marion Berry's phone number, I'm out of crack.

The Washington Post reports today that 17 GOP Congressmen, and 6 GOP Senators are retiring and not running for re-election.  Only five Democrat members of the House are stepping down or running for higher office in 2008, but none of the vacated seats is expected to be competitive.

No Senate Democrat up for reelection this cycle has announced plans to retire.

Methinks the GOP pols see a Democrat land-slide of the likes of the GOP 1994 Congressional Landslide coming, and they want to get out while the getting-out is still good.

The Iraq War, 4,000 American soldiers dead, $800 billion in national treasure consumed, $95 per bbl. oil & $3.00 gallon gasoline, the Oil companies showing record profits who just happen to be Bush and Cheney's Good Buddies, a war tailor-made to enrich Halliburton, a stagnating economy, plummeting home values, sky-rocketing foreclosures, and all brought to you under the leadership of Mad King George Bush II, which will sink the GOP next November like an iceberg sank the Titanic....

The GOP'ers are running for the exits, and there aren't enough life boats.

Lower Away!

[:X]

[FOTD]

One Of You Shall Betray Conservatism
 
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