Driving in Tulsa

[DolfanBob]

This was E-mailed to me. I thought you guy's might enjoy it.

Rules for Driving in Tulsa , Oklahoma

If your Tulsa map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Broken Arrow where one street has three names...such as Lynn Lane aka, 177th E. Ave and 9th St ...... and your map is one day old, it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tulsa has its own version of traffic rules.

All directions start with 'Get on Memorial' which has no beginning and no end. Everything in Tulsa is 'just off Memorial.'

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on I-44 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase, 'Oh, we're in Jenks.'

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.

I-44 is called the Skelly Bypass. No one has ever figured out what it bypasses... State Highway 51 is either the Broken Arrow Expressway or the
Keystone Expressway, depending on which way you're headed. US64 comes up Memorial from Bixby, joins 169 for a few miles, and then heads west with SH 51 towards Sand Springs. Several highways like the Creek
Turnpike have no number. We don't understand it either.

Maps of Tulsa show an Interstate 444 in downtown Tulsa .. If you find it, let us know. The alleged I-444 is half of the inner-dispersal loop, which is not for the faint of heart.

Highway 169 in rush hour is the Tulsa equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

If asking directions along North Utica or in west Tulsa , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If you're on East 21st Street , Mandarin Chinese or Vietnamese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Pine or Peoria , you better be armed.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Broken Arrow Expressway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Tulsa. Please try and keep up. 


 

[heironymouspasparagus]

Disparaging parking, are we?  Oh, the nattering nabobs of negativity run rampant!

[guido911]

True story from my recent ski trip to Winter Park Co. I rented this massive SUV to get around any snow/ice problems up in the mountains. This particular SUV had so many gadgets and buttons it was hard to figure out if my high beams were on. Anyway, I took off with my high beams on and this REALLY hacked off a driver in front of me. At a stop light, he gets out of his SUV and runs directly to me. I realized at this point that my high beams were on and switched them off. I rolled down my window to apologize and explain my unfamiliarity with the vehicle. This guy then reaches inside the cabin and grabbed a hold of the turn signal handle in an effort to turn it off himself.

Now, this guy, who was between 55-60, about four inches and thirty pounds lighter that me, and had what I guess was a British accent, apparently had no idea that his actions could get his a$$ kicked hard. I gently (okay, not so gently) explained that to him and he sheepishly walked back to his truck.

I told this story to my wife and guests and they couldn't help but laugh. Has this ever happened to anyone before (I mean, unless you flipped off a driver)?

[Red Arrow]

Don't lower your window!

[Conan71]

True story from my recent ski trip to Winter Park Co. I rented this massive SUV to get around any snow/ice problems up in the mountains. This particular SUV had so many gadgets and buttons it was hard to figure out if my high beams were on. Anyway, I took off with my high beams on and this REALLY hacked off a driver in front of me. At a stop light, he gets out of his SUV and runs directly to me. I realized at this point that my high beams were on and switched them off. I rolled down my window to apologize and explain my unfamiliarity with the vehicle. This guy then reaches inside the cabin and grabbed a hold of the turn signal handle in an effort to turn it off himself.

Now, this guy, who was between 55-60, about four inches and thirty pounds lighter that me, and had what I guess was a British accent, apparently had no idea that his actions could get his a$$ kicked hard. I gently (okay, not so gently) explained that to him and he sheepishly walked back to his truck.

I told this story to my wife and guests and they couldn't help but laugh. Has this ever happened to anyone before (I mean, unless you flipped off a driver)?

He would have been looking at a .45 before he even reached in the window.  Something else the limey's don't understand.

[DolfanBob]

Disparaging parking, are we?  Oh, the nattering nabobs of negativity run rampant!

I don't get it ? splain Lucy !
I thought it was funny. (Author unknown)

[heironymouspasparagus]

I thought it was hilarious! 

Reference to parking was tongue in cheek -  about parking on the grass away from the venue, since there is so little parking near so many places.  Ah, the joys of lack-of-inflection in the written word!

[DolfanBob]

I thought it was hilarious! 

Reference to parking was tongue in cheek -  about parking on the grass away from the venue, since there is so little parking near so many places.  Ah, the joys of lack-of-inflection in the written word!

Thanks for the clarity. My vocabulary and the knowledge there of, are quite happily limited.