Job change question

[tulsa1603]

OK, I've never done this before.  I've had the same employer since I got out of school.  Love the job, the boss is great, etc., however, love has found it's way into my life, and I am being forced to consider a move to a different city, since my signifigant other's job simply doesn't have anything in Tulsa and never will.  So my question is, I've found a few companies I feel like I could work for in this new city (great job market in my field), but I'm concerned about contacting them with resumes....if I do, wouldn't that create a possibility that they could contact my current employer, who I haven't yet told?  I'm not going to move for love unless I find the right job, too, so I don't want to mess up what I have here, until I'm sure I'm going to take the plunge.  Maybe I'm being selfish.  Would it be most responsible to tell my current employer about what's going on?  I've heard horror stories of people getting fired for even thinking of looking for a new job.  Of course, my reasons aren't due to unhappiness with the current job.  So what should I do?  Contact the new people first and get an idea or tell the current first?

[TheArtist]

Don't know how long you have worked where you do now, but it sounds like it has been enough time to build a relationship of sorts with your employers.  My feeling is that telling them first would be the honorable thing to do. For a while I toyed with the idea of moving to Dallas, but it didnt happen.  Perhaps you could frame what you tell them in the context of you thinking of moving to another city. Its not that your "looking for another job" per say, but if your thinking of moving you will have to work there and are testing the waters to see whats available.  Say that you really like your current job, its just that your thinking of moving.

Now here is the tricky part.  I would not say anything until I had made contact with an employer in Austin. I am just guessing that a potential employer there would not call your current employer until you had a meeting with the new one.  This should enable you to get a feel for your "chances".  I do not really know how your industry works or what exactly you do so I admit my advice is a bit iffy lol. Also think about your current boss and try if you can to have a timeline that you can tell them. It may not be the best thing to leave the current boss and team waiting indefinitely with the knowlege that you may find another job at any time and leave. Say something like,,, "I should have a better feel by... or will make my descision on whether or not this will really happen by October". That way they can have a beginning and end time.  Just be as fair to them as you can and keep them as informed as you can.

But, I would say that what really needs to happen is that you decide for sure whether you are going to move or not. Good job or bad. If you are not moving, then you wont have to tell them anything. If you are for sure moving, and they fire you, well you will be moving a bit sooner lol. And may not have the best job for a bit but you will be in Austin with that special someone and can, when you feel like it, start looking for a better job.  A good company shouldnt blame you for looking for a better job, if they do they just prove the point that they weren't a good company.

I bet your a good employee and trust me I know good employees are hard to find. Better to give your company a heads up so that they can have plenty of time to find a good enough person to replace you.  

There is no absolutely safe solution to this situation.  But doing what you see as the honorable thing will help you walk through life with dignity. Broke and penniless living off your companion in Austin, but none the less full of dignity. lol []

[pmcalk]

Most employers will ask you if its ok to contact your current employer.  Most recognize that employees don't want their employers to know they are looking.  Obviously, you want to give your employer some warning that your leaving, but not until it is definite.  If you are moving, regardless of whether you get a job, then you might say something.  Otherwise, don't say anything.  Give the requisite two weeks, or more if asked.  What would you say anyway--at some point in the future I might leave if I find another job?  If you say you are looking, and then nothing pans out, your work environment will be very awkward.  Even if you do eventually move on to another job, your employer will have the difficult task of deciding what work to give you, what to confide in you with, etc..., knowing that you will be leaving soon.  It's like having a lame duck president.

[Breadburner]

Dont do it.....

[sgrizzle]

I would mention in passing conversation that you are considering moving someday and why, but make sure they know you have no firm plans. If you have a good relationship, this will keep them from being surprised if they get a call but will keep them from replacing you before you even leave.

[Conan71]

You can leave your present job and move away from Tulsa, but you cannot leave this forum-ever.  It owns you.

Seriously, I think Artist and Sgrizz have great advice.  I would think long and hard though before moving away for love until you've been together for a year.  I've seen too many people who think they've found "the one" made big life changes, then the warts start showing up on the other person or the relationship and they wished they'd have been more patient.  Just MO.

[tulsa1603]

quote:Originally posted by Conan71

You can leave your present job and move away from Tulsa, but you cannot leave this forum-ever.  It owns you.

Seriously, I think Artist and Sgrizz have great advice.  I would think long and hard though before moving away for love until you've been together for a year.  I've seen too many people who think they've found "the one" made big life changes, then the warts start showing up on the other person or the relationship and they wished they'd have been more patient.  Just MO.

Together over a year at this point, and spend nearly every weekend together.  We've spent so much on airline tickets in the last year....it's horrifying.  I'm not sure I will actually commit to doing it until this spring, but I'm definitely starting to think about the process.

[Conan71]

Then you are one of the prudent patient ones.  Wishing you all the best.

[DM]

quote:Originally posted by Breadburner

Dont do it.....

Ditto. If I get a new job and decide you dont like it, you will blame your new love and then starts the decline on loving your new love. Of course then what if things dont work out with your new love and then you are stuck in a job that you dont like.

Ask Dr Phil. []

[tulsa1603]

quote:Originally posted by DM

quote:Originally posted by Breadburner

Dont do it.....

Ditto. If I get a new job and decide you dont like it, you will blame your new love and then starts the decline on loving your new love. Of course then what if things dont work out with your new love and then you are stuck in a job that you dont like.

Ask Dr Phil. []

Yeah, I've been through all this in my head about a thousand times.  I'm taking all the risk, selling a house, giving up a job, etc...  There are still several months of discussion and planning ahead for us.

[sgrizzle]

We could give the farmer's market version of dating advice...

Shop local.

[TheArtist]

There aint anything local. And since I have pretty much decided to make Tulsa my home base I have realized that I would have to import. I have been dating someone from the Fayetteville area for about 7 months now.  At least Tulsa is "The cool big city" in their book lol. I figure that I am looking at about a 2 year dating process. Building a relationship and getting to really know each other can take time. I figure there is no rush, that lots of people have times in their lives when they can't see each other as often as they would like. I have seen and heard of plenty of people who have had job situations, or one party goes off to war, and make it work just fine.  Commitment and working on the relationship as best you can is key. After all I figure whats a year or two if this person will be around for the rest of your life.[]

[Lister]

quote:Originally posted by Conan71

You can leave your present job and move away from Tulsa, but you cannot leave this forum-ever.  It owns you.

Seriously, I think Artist and Sgrizz have great advice.  I would think long and hard though before moving away for love until you've been together for a year.  I've seen too many people who think they've found "the one" made big life changes, then the warts start showing up on the other person or the relationship and they wished they'd have been more patient.  Just MO.

Yep, and then you're stuck in a new, strange city with a new, perhaps even stranger job. You've cut ties with your old (and apparently pretty good) employer. Give it time and don't move until you're sure.

[AMP]

Some younger friends of mine, that have been married for 5 years and have lived in Tulsa for over 13 years, decided one day to move to Texas.  They lasted about 5 months in Texas before they came to, loaded up the Hauler, and moved back to Tulsa.  

Main reasons they did not like Texas or anyother place they would of landed is lack of close friends, no knowledge of where to buy stuff and have the stuff they own serviced or get parts for, constantly lost trying to drive around, food sucked and the weather was much hotter and humid than here.  

So, they made the move back.  Can't blame em.  Been there, done that.